What a Difference a Decade Makes

Each year in November, the whole country comes together to recognise the sacrifice that those who have gone before us have taken so that we can live our lives freely. In an ever-changing world, where technology speeds movements, and opinions become actions, we pause and stop each year, if only for a minute, for the same cause, remembrance.

This year the Royal British Legion is celebrating its centenary. An organisation that supports those service personnel who took to the air, to the seas, stood post and put themselves between us and the enemy, to serve their country and protect its people. It is not then unexpected that the Poppy Appeal and the Period of Remembrance is the largest charitable campaign each year, receiving support and recognition across the country.

As local funeral directors, we have cared for families in our local community for almost 40 years, including families of those who served or were serving their country. The Period of Remembrance is a significant time in our annual calendar, and we always want to ensure that we are showing our support, and we remember.

Each November, we are honoured to use our offices across South West Hertfordshire to promote The Poppy Appeal, and to pay tribute to those we have cared for. Our team make sure that our windows are filled with remembrance tributes. Technology allows us to show our support on social media to a wider audience and when conducting our professional responsibilities in the care of recently bereaved families. Our uniformed staff and our vehicles wear poppies to mark the time of year.

We are also honoured in Abbots Langley particularly, that our branch office is the “village hub” for the distribution of poppies and other related merchandise and is a central point for collectors to re-stock their boxes with poppies and pins.

Throughout our other offices, our displays have included local and national memorials, wartime dioramas and tributes to the Royal British Legion themselves. We take great pride in designing and putting the displays together and it is true recognition for the respect our whole team has in the period of remembrance.

Further to our support at this time of year, we also support the Royal British Legion throughout the year, by making a donation of £25.00 to them for every Pre-Paid Funeral Plan we arrange. This is supported by Golden Charter, our Funeral Plan provider and administrator, and so far, funeral directors across the country have donated over £500,000.

All of these acts of remembrance that we do, are in recognition for the ultimate sacrifice that those who have gone before us have made, and that we will remember them.

During the beginning of the pandemic last year, Funeral Directors had not been automatically included on the list of key workers, when changes to work arrangements were being implemented. It took direct intervention from an MP to ensure that we were allowed to continue serving the local community at a time when they were going to need it the most.

Similarly, when it came to distributing out PPE and other aids to assist with key workers, it took local resilience forum demands to help get the necessary equipment to allow us to care for the deceased safely.

As a profession, we are normally quite reserved about what we do, and described at one point during the pandemic as “stars in the night sky”.  We are always there when you need us, and don’t shine just for the praise and thanks. It’s not what we do the job for, we do it to help others when they need it most. Navigating those in need, through rough times to calmer waters.

That being said, the first four or five months of the pandemic stretched our team as much as we could go. Working in highly demanding and potentially dangerous situations, had its toll on everyone’s motivation but also in their home lives too. We all applauded the fantastic work that the NHS were doing and we were considered part of that wider key worker bracket.  It became very difficult for our whole team to stay routed to the core of the service we provide, helping others, and having to deal with everything else going on around us too. We know we weren’t alone in this at all.

As life, community, society and all the normalities began to return, we were absolutely thrilled to be recognised as a possible candidate for the Inspiring Hertfordshire’s Hertfordshire Heroes Award, as chosen and awarded by Hertfordshire Chamber of Commerce. For the team at M. K. Ginder & Sons, who had gone through everything involved with the pandemic, whilst maintaining that high level of care and service to all those recently bereaved families, just being shortlisted as Heroes was enough.

As awards are normally synonymous with award ceremonies, it was a great opportunity for a select number of the team from M. K. Ginder & Sons to go along and share in the excitement and spirit of the recognition of Hertfordshire’s best businesses, groups, and associations at the ceremony, all whilst still being completely satisfied knowing that whatever happens we have been considered for the top award.

At the point M. K. Ginder & Sons were announced as the Hertfordshire Heroes, it helped us realise that what we do and the care we provide is noticed. We are recognised by those we have an impact upon, who are truly grateful for the service and care provided by our dedicated team, who all went through so much anxiety, concern and uncertainty during the pandemic, to provide it.

As a team, we are all proud of the work that each and everyone one of us does in caring for families when they need it most.  Being recognised in this way makes it all worthwhile.

This month we have been delighted to support Peace Hospice Care in Watford as part of their 30^th Anniversary Celebration by being their Platinum Peace Poppy Partner. As part of this milestone celebration, the hospice has produced a range of gold, silver and rose gold poppies that families can purchase for themselves, their family or in memory of a loved one. Last Saturday members of our team were pleased to be able to assist the hospice at the first of their collection days, and it was great to hear the stories from all those that came to collect their own poppies.

The 30^th anniversary of The Peace Hospice in Watford has made us reflect on our years connected with them, as well as other hospices that we have close relationships with including The Hospice of St. Francis and Rennie Grove Hospice to name just a few.

At M. K. Ginder & Sons, we have always had the objective to support our local community, and the hospices have such a major impact on the families we serve and care for, we are always keen to support them. Second to that, we are privileged through our funeral arrangements to know which charities are closest to our families’ hearts and the local hospices are always prominent on these lists.

Over the years we have been proud to support them through campaigns such as the poppies mentioned above, but also through taking part in abseiling, golf, and driving challenges. We have also been honoured to support their Christmas memorial services and help with other fundraising events.

Through the work we do, caring for the community at one of the most difficult times of their lives, it isn’t unusual for families we serve to have had their loved one cared for by the teams at the hospice. This being said, all of our support for the hospice is purely to assist with the fundraising and promotion of the hospice in the community and is not linked in any way to the care we provide to the recently bereaved families in our area. We are regularly in conversation with the hospices and we both ensure that all the connections and partnerships we have with them are all about support to the services they provide. Our clients choose us, we hope, through our heritage and our reputation for high quality standards.

Looking forward, our profession’s regulators are asking us to be more transparent with regard to our relationships with connections such as hospices. As part of that policy, we will be openly sharing and publishing details on our website. We are proud of our strong relationships with them and want to ensure that we continue supporting them in future.

For anyone who has had a loved one cared for by the hospice, whether part of their day care services, hospice at home care, or in one of the hospices themselves, they will know the care they provide is second to none and is fundamental in helping those people who need it, at a time when they need it most.

Knowing the amount of fundraising that hospices need to raise each year to be able to continue to provide care to our local community, we shall continue to support and help them to provide it.

As we all start to return to normal after the conclusion of the last lockdown restrictions in the Covid-19 Pandemic, our diaries are all beginning to fill with events that have either been held off or postponed. One type of event being organised by families is a Celebration of Life or Memorial Service for those that passed away during the last 18 months, and where constraints and limitations prevented traditional funeral services taking place.

As the local independent funeral director, we are usually asked to assist families with organising the celebration and service. Throughout all our years of caring for families we have been able to see numerous different ways how they really personalise the event to encapsulate the life of the person and who they really were.

We are sometimes asked if the service must be like a funeral service would have been, and the answer is no. If you were planning on holding the memorial service in a church or place of worship or asking a member of the clergy to lead the service then there may be format and structure that need to be followed. If you are planning on doing something yourself then it may be less formal and however you want to celebrate your loved one’s life.

The usual process starts with where and when you want to hold the event. Churches, places of worship, recreation centres, hotels, pubs, and restaurants may be your first thought and a suitable choice. However, we have known of families to hold gatherings in their own gardens, or at the local bowls club too, it is wherever you feel most comfortable. Similarly, it can take place in the evenings or at weekends, making it as easy for invitees to attend.

When putting together the service, there maybe songs or music that meant a lot to your loved one, that you didn’t feel you could have at their funeral, but they might be just the right tone for the celebration of life. Similarly, whilst clearing through their belongings you may have come across numerous photos that you can use to create a video display or montage board. When working out what to say about them, there is more time available to put your thoughts down on paper. There is also the opportunity to ask friends and family if they have short stories and memories that could be added to the service.

When formulating the service, if you are going to have a traditional style ceremony, you may want to have a focal point that allows everyone to focus on. At funerals this is usually the coffin, but you can have the ashes in a casket or urn, or a large photo on an easel, both potentially surrounded with flowers. You can also include things that meant a lot to the person. If they were into golf or fishing, why not have their clubs or rods on show. Similarly, if they liked knitting or patching quilts, you could show them. A display of sports shirts or uniforms could reflect their achievements in life.

When looking at alternatives such as a gathering at home or in the garden, you don’t need to sit in rows, but could sit in circles, sharing stories and memories with each other. The options for what you can do are wide and varied. We can assist with supporting those, but it is also important to engage with family and friends to bring together all aspects of their life.

We can help with the organising of the ceremony or event. We regularly speak with churches and venues, clergy, and celebrants. We can organise, choirs, organists, and singers. We can put together orders of service, invitations, and photo boards. We can arrange flowers, dove releases and recommend caterers for the event. As funeral directors we have a wide range of ashes caskets and receptacles on display but can also obtain truly bespoke options too, if desired.

Celebrating someone’s life should be personal about them, and we are happy to advise, guide and assist wherever we can.

Last weekend, I was amazed at how much sport was available to watch on tv, and how sport was on both the front page and back page of every newspaper. At one point, we had the choice to watch tennis, rugby, horse racing, formula one, football and each was as compelling as the other to keep you glued to the screen, switching between them.

It is difficult at the moment not to be excited by the football, but also watching a wildcard entry at Wimbledon progressing to the second week, and the hopes for the British and Irish Lions as they begin their tour of South Africa too. It seems that sport is that topic you can have a conversation with anyone about and is a healthy distraction from discussions about politics and the pandemic.

For many it is sport that follows them through life and becomes part of who they are. It becomes their passion, their colours, their accomplishments and for some their legacy. When someone is planning a loved one’s funeral it is rare that there would be a theme around their work, but their hobby and love of sport does shine through.

In recent weeks we have provided families with bespoke designed football team coffins. We have seen families all wearing team shirts to show their loved one’s passion for the club. We have driven past stadiums, and received flowers in the shapes of cricket bats, footballs, and club crests. It is clear that sport plays a big part in people’s lives and should be represented at their funeral.

Over the years we have experienced funerals where the coffin has been carried into club songs, cricket bats used to form a guard of honour, bowls club members lined the driveway at the crematorium, and endless signs of solidarity with members of golf clubs and other associations wearing club ties and blazers.

In support of the person’s family, golf, bowls, and rugby clubs have offered to host the reception afterwards, usually with the flag at half-mast to show respect and also waived the fee for the venue hire. The members’ club is a community that the deceased would have been part of, sometimes for many years, and it is in recognition of that they “club” together to support the family at that difficult time.

As the funeral directors organising the funeral, we have also shown our support and connection with this. Whether wearing our Watford FC coloured ties, or those of the local rugby and golf clubs we are members of, we will always try to ensure that there is a true reflection of the person’s life in the service we do, where possible.

Sport has a great ability to unite people together. Marking someone’s loyalty to a club, a sport, or a hobby is a poignant part of their final send off, and we are always happy to guide and assist wherever we can.

After the past 15 months of restrictions, changes, and lockdowns, it is scheduled that the country will come out of its final lockdown on the 21^st June, although this still isn’t certain at the time of writing.

The past year has made some significant changes to our profession and the way in which families are assisted in saying their final goodbyes. Most prominent of these, is how families, friends and colleagues can do this, without the need to leave their homes, travel long distances or potentially put themselves at risk by meeting in large groups.

The biggest impact is for the immediate family. The initial registration of a death used to be a formal process of collecting a certificate from the Doctors Surgery, booking an appointment at the local registrars, attending that appointment, and then delivering the necessary paperwork to us, the funeral directors, all of which would take place during the first few days after bereavement. This has changed to certificates being sent by email, registration appointments taken over the telephone, and the necessary paperwork then forwarded to us. This is a much easier process for all involved and we hope this will continue.

Also, for the family, making the funeral arrangements has changed too. We saw the need last year to make sure that we had the capability to take funeral instructions by telephone, to be able to send out brochures and paperwork by email to families and ensure that we have completed all the necessary requirements virtually. We were also able to take this one step further and offered video appointments with families, providing the reassuring comfort of talking to someone face-to-face. This is something we will continue with, as we have seen how these changes have helped our families when they needed that support the most.

For those attending the funeral, due to restricted numbers and travelling, we have seen an increase in requests for video webcasting and recording. More and more crematoriums and churches have introduced cameras and capabilities to broadcast around the world at the click of a button, allowing those who are shielding, isolating, or living abroad to “virtually” attend the service. Although going forward, numbers and travel restrictions should resume to pre-covid times, we will still look to offer these options as an alternative to help those who cannot physically attend the service.

We have also seen changes with regard to more family participation in the services, with poems, readings and eulogies, adding to the personal contributions reflecting the person’s life. In addition, families have placed additional photographs and content into orders of service, to make them more of a memorial card, which despite limited attendees at the service, copies can be sent to family and friends afterwards, wherever they live. This has seen a more personal and bespoke approach to the funeral itself, and we will continue to support those families wishing to carry these personalisations forward.

We were also concerned at the beginning of the pandemic that charities that receive donations in lieu of flowers would miss out, as there wouldn’t be large gatherings at funerals and contributions placed in boxes. We have been able to assist this through providing families with online donation pages, which by the click of an email or share on social media, allows friends and colleagues to leave tributes and donations, in memory of the person, and helping towards the charities that so vitally need them. This is something we will continue to do as we care for families in the future.

These are just a few of the changes we have seen, and that going forward we hope will enable us to continue to serve families better in the new normal. Although the services we provide, with the utmost Dignity and Respect for generations are steeped in history, there are always modernisations and improvements that can be made.

Last month the country paused at the news of the death of HRH The Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh at the age of 99. His death was followed by a period of national mourning in the lead up to his funeral, which brought about much speculation as to how the funeral ceremony of the Queen’s consort would take place, within and abiding by the current restrictions imposed on the country by COVID.

It emerged throughout the week leading up to his funeral, that Prince Philip had actually been instrumental in designing and planning his own funeral.  Over the past 25 years he had recorded exactly what he wanted his funeral to represent and say about him.  Parallels were drawn to the funeral of his late uncle, Earl Mountbatten who had also been instrumental in determining how his funeral ceremony should be carried out too. Through this planning over many years, what Prince Philip had actually done, is told people what he wanted.

We can’t help thinking that for the Queen and other members of the Royal Family, having the reassurance that the details of the funeral were going to be carried out to his particular wishes will have allowed them the space to grieve, knowing everything was in place. As funeral directors we care for a wide range of families and do our utmost to carry out their wishes.  Sometimes we are faced with families who just say that they don’t know what their loved one, would have wanted. On the other hand we meet people in all walks of life, who say, “I know exactly what I want”.  However if the answer to the next question “and who have you told?” is “nobody”,  it can become an irrelevance as it hasn’t been shared when the time comes to use it.

Talking about your wishes, writing them down or recording them in a funeral plan, having those conversations and communicating with others are all extremely helpful to the funeral arrangements and grieving process.  We strongly advocate encouraging people to do as much of that as possible.

Next week is Dying Matters Awareness Week, which places focus on getting people to talk about death, end of life care and what they want for themselves when the time comes. The pandemic has unfortunately brought death to the forefront of discussions, however it has also removed the taboo of talking about it as well.

In his preparations for his funeral, Prince Philip had highlighted specific areas that were important to him, and in some cases took action to make sure it happened. The most recognised of these was the Land Rover Hearse, which he helped design, and was an integral part of his cortège. This one part of the ceremony, ensured that his last journey was on a vehicle that played a key part of his life. Other parts that he had chosen were the hymns, music and prayers for the service, that were poignant to him, including the Naval Hymn, “Eternal Father, Strong to Save” recognising his years of military service. Other symbols such as the horse and carriages, his gloves, whip and sugar lumps, denoted and highlighted his passion and enjoyment for Carriage Driving. It was quite clear, that he knew what he wanted, and he made sure people knew it too. His funeral recognised the full life that he had led, not just the last part of it.

The planning that Prince Philip couldn’t have prepared for however were the restrictions in place due to COVID.  However, it is reported that he did not want a big funeral, with all the pomp and circumstance usually associated with the funeral of the Monarch’s consort.  So the requirement for a smaller, more personal occasion, surrounded by his very immediate family only would have been just what he wanted. The important factor however, is that he knew what he wanted his funeral to say about him, and he made sure that those arranging it, knew it.

During the last month we have reached the milestone of one whole year since the first national lockdown began. On the 23^rd March 2020, the nation was told to stay at home, to change their lifestyles, their way of working, who they saw, where and how they shopped and how they cared for their loved ones.

The start of the COVID-19 pandemic brought into light the fact that the virus could affect anyone, and didn’t pick and choose whom it infected, or how they reacted.  Throughout the past year we have served the families of people that have died of the virus, irrespective of age, sex, religious denomination, ethnicity, location or lifestyle. This was also surrounded by constant reminders of the devastating effect on the number of deaths in our communities, counties and nationally, reported daily on the news, as often as the weather. The pandemic has brought death, funerals and your own legacy to the forefront of people’s minds.

With the hope that over the next few months we will be able to restore normal ways of living to our day-to-day routines, and the extraordinary speed the vaccinations are being delivered, things are beginning to look like it is a real possibility. So what will this worldwide experience show us?  We know time is precious and no matter how wise we are or become, we do not know how or when our own life story will end.  Not only do we want to make sure we do all the things in life we intended or dreamed of, we also want to plan for what happens when it comes to an end.

During the last few months, we have been aware of an increased number of people wanting to ensure that everything is prepared and in place for their future, and their funeral.  A large percentage of these have also expressed that when their time comes, their funeral should represent who they were and how they lived.  Such wishes and requirements have generated increased interest in pre-paid funeral plans, which allow people to prepare for their own funerals, their way.  Additionally, paying for their funeral now and locking in at today’s prices, saves their family the worry of trying to find the money to pay for the funeral when the time comes.

We have also had a number of people looking at planning ahead by just recording their wishes. Traditionally details that might have been kept in a drawer at home, or in their will, are now being recorded by funeral directors.  These are kept safely for when needed, and are there to provide a detailed list of instructions for the funeral director as well as answering those difficult questions that some families don’t know the answers to, or didn’t have the opportunity to ask.

In this light, we are introducing further ways of helping families record their funeral wishes, both within pre-paid funeral plans, and as an “Expression of Wishes”.  The latter will be held safely and easily converted to a pre-paid funeral plan, when and if the person is ready to do so.  Our team are here to help all those who want to get it arranged, sorted out, ticked off the list, prepared and put in place, with the reassurance that it is done, there when needed, and one thing less to worry about.

The past year has had an incredible impact on all of us and it has changed our perspective on life, but also how we look at death too.

 

M.K. Ginder & Sons

… is knowing we’ve made a difference!

We are often asked what the best part of our job is. I can’t speak for everyone, however for me, it is knowing that we have made a difficult time a little bit easier, and that we have made a difference.

We know that families can sometimes come to us, who have never had to make funeral arrangements before and don’t know where to start. We completely understand this situation, some of us have been there ourselves, and having that reassuring guidance and support is essential to helping families through what is sometimes the hardest experience they have had to deal with.

Helping and caring for people is what we do, and we are always overwhelmed with the expressions of thanks and gratitude we receive from those we’ve served, knowing we’ve made a difference, and have helped those families at their time of need.

Over the years, families have taken the time to write to us to express their thanks after the funeral, and we value every single one that does. The letters and cards we have received are proudly displayed in our offices and we’ve been honoured to share those testimonials and comments on our website.

However, as communication has modernised, we have also found that those families that traditionally wrote letters, now take to digital platforms to share their thanks with us, but also to share their experiences with others. We have found over the last few years that families have taken to Facebook and Google to leave feedback and reviews of the service we provide, and those messages are there for other families to see and know the help and guidance we have provided to others.

As a family-orientated business, we know the importance of customer feedback and how important it is for our reputation, and that traditional letters, cards and testimonials have evolved into digital and social media reviews. Therefore, this month we have engaged with Trust Pilot to provide a platform for families to leave ratings and reviews of the service we provide. Trust Pilot is very much like us, it is independent, it is honest and it is trusted. Trust Pilot, along with Facebook and Google provides a digital opportunity for our families to express their thanks and most importantly how we have helped them at their most challenging time.

Over the past four decades, word of mouth has been the most prominent way of families deciding to choose us, and that word of mouth in the 21^st century is now done more and more online. We hope that those families we’ve served feel confident to leave their review online.  For those who still wish to write directly to us, your letters will always be gratefully received and your feedback continues to be valuable.  Whether by post or online submission, knowing we’ve made a difference, is the best part of our job.

Adam K Ginder – Managing Director

February 2021 marks the 10^th anniversary of the passing of our company founder, Martyn Ginder. After 10 years of running the business following his untimely death, we have noticed a number of changes to the service we provide to our customers and how we manage our business within our profession.

Back in 2011 when Martyn passed away, along with many thousands that year too, arranging of a funeral was still in a very traditional way, in which it had been for decades before. Families, who lived in the local area would walk to their local high street of shops and pop in and see the local funeral director, someone they have known for years and is usually a recognised person in the community. The arrangement would take place face-to-face, over a pot of tea, looking through a large brochure of options, selecting the local vicar and traditional hymns.

Move forward to 2021, and these traditions still exist but have changed to recognise the times and changes in people’s lifestyles. One of these that we commonly see is that the family of the person who passed away, doesn’t live in the same town or village as them anymore. Sometimes through choice, work or cost of living, they’ve moved away, so don’t know the local community or services. Funeral Directors have had to become more prominent online, where families can search by location rather than by name and reputation. More and more arrangements are now done over the telephone and email (something that has increased rapidly due to the effects of the pandemic). Those living away, don’t necessarily know the local vicar, or have not had the opportunity to discuss service content with the person who has passed away beforehand. Large brochures are becoming digital catalogues, and ensuring that the date and time of the service is suitable for everyone to attend, has in parts been changed to an ability to log in and watch online, most especially since last year.

We are asked from time to time “what has changed” and “how do we maintain the traditional elements of funerals?”. Within the company we often comment on how the business would be viewed differently to its founder even after only 10 years. In an ever-changing world we try to ensure that those traditions we have been known for, still play a fundamental part in who we are, and how we serve our local community.

Funerals in the 3^rd decade of the 21^st Century show a prospect of becoming digital interactions, with online donations, digital obituaries and tributes, virtual candles, and broadcasted services. We intend to embrace all of these developments within the profession, but we also want to maintain that personal level of service, being the comforting voice at the end of the telephone, and showing dignity and respect throughout. Our offices, still have tea pots and brochures, but we can also talk with families by telephone, email or video call. Our team will assist in arranging a traditional Church funeral with choirs and hymns, but also help families to individually design bespoke memorial services and celebrations of life that reflect the true personality of the person who has passed away if that is desired. We will continue to page in front of hearses, and carry coffins to classical music, but can also accommodate video broadcasting equipment and those truly individual touches that show the true character of the life of the individual.

If we were to ask Martyn today what is important about the profession in the year 2021, we believe that he we would state that the choices that are available to the family must reflect the person whose funeral it is, and that the service provided to their family and friends should be in a way they want it to be.

In reflection, funerals in 2021, follow the same foundations that Martyn set out in 1983; it is the family’s choice what they have, and serving them and caring for their loved one with dignity and respect, is paramount. It is reassuring to know that we have been doing this for 37 years and will continue to do so for many more.