A Time of Year to Remember

Have you ever found yourself having a conversation with someone where you learnt something you did not know about them. Most of us have, and we usually remember the interesting fact or story we were told for a long time, sometimes even relaying it onto someone else. Do you remember saying to yourself, that you should have had that conversation with them sooner, or that you can not wait to speak to them again to find out something else? Can you think of the reasons why you have not done so already?

Having a conversation with someone, needs two people, time, and a topic. It is a simple as that.

Towards the end of 2022, there have been several television and charity campaigns to get people talking. Some of you may have seen the Million Minutes campaign on ITV, aiming to get people to donate their time, rather than money, and maybe spend that time with someone who is on their own, and talk with them.

Most of us hopefully will have spent time over the Christmas period with family, across many generations, reminiscing about Christmas’ past, what things used to be like, presents and gifts they may have received, and remembering family members no longer with them. Others will have shared stories of the past year with friends and colleagues, remembering the highlights and notable occasions that occurred in the previous twelve months.

The unfortunate fact however is that we may all be waiting until the end of the year, when surrounded by family and friends, or persuaded by television to find the time to talk with someone.

We know some people may find it hard to know where to start, and others may struggle to know what to talk about. To encourage people to have these great conversations, we have written a small guide book that has several starter questions you can use, as well as ideas of where and when you might be able to use them.

These books are available in all our offices if you would like to collect one, or alternatively please contact us through our website and we will post one out to you.

During 2023, we will be distributing these books around community groups as well as sharing them with care homes to disseminate amongst their residents and families. We want to get people having a great conversation as soon as possible.

Remember the slogan “It’s good to talk”, well it definitely is. Whether it is with a sibling, parent, aunt, uncle, grandparent, grandchild, or good friend, and lasts ten minutes, half an hour, or over an hour, the important point is that you have that conversation. So, when we are asked what we are talking about, we can say we are talking about talking.

The symbolism of lighting a candle to remember someone dear to you goes back hundreds of generations. Traditionally prayer or votive candles would be lit in churches and religious temples to remember those who have passed before them. In Christianity, the Gospel of John refers to Jesus saying to the people, “Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” The illuminated light provides guidance to those who have died on their journey to the next life.

In more modern times, the lighting of a candle represents remembrance. We light candles to mark our memory of a loved one, friend or colleague. In some instances, we light candles in remembrance of someone we may never have actually met, heightened this year at the sad passing of the monarch, Queen Elizabeth II.

At Christmas time, we remember those who are no longer with us, whether this is the first festive period without them, or one of many. The burning candle mimics the burning memory we have of them within our hearts. Some people will have one individual candle they light, where others will light many in memory of lots of people.

In different religions, candles at Christmas have different meanings, two examples being in the Jewish faith they will light Hanukkah candles, as part of the festival of light; and in Christianity, advent candles are lit in the lead up to Christmas, each having different meanings associated to them.

Candles at home at Christmas, positioned in the window can mean different things too. Some will symbolise the darkness of winter, and guidance for workers. Others will show faith and a family’s wish to receive clerical visitors. Some are purely for decoration purposes.

The reason behind why you light a candle, and what you mean by it, is personal to you, your family, or your faith.

This Christmas time we have shown our support to lighting candles in memory of someone dear to them. During December we supported both the Peace Hospice Care Light Up a Life service and the Rennie Grove Hospice Care Light Up a Life carol service. Both these events provided opportunities for families to come together to light a candle and remember someone they cared for. The events showed people there are others out there who are missing someone too this Christmas, and you are not alone in your grief and remembrance.

In addition to this, we have provided the opportunity for people to light a virtual candle on our Facebook wall. We have seen many names appearing on there, where families have lit a candle and then shared it with their friends and family, as an aid to remember those not with us.

Although someone is no longer part of our life, it does not mean they are forgotten, and whilst they are no longer in our presence, they will always remain in our hearts. For whatever reason you light a candle this Christmas, remember you are not alone. Let the candle burn brightly and the memory live on.

On the 30^th August, Watford Football Club celebrated 100 years playing at the Vicarage Road Stadium in the heart of the town. On this notable occasion for the football club we, like many fans, supporters, community groups and local businesses, shared our congratulations with them. For M. K. Ginder & Sons this anniversary was also a significant milestone for our own relationship with Watford Football Club, as we recognised 20 years of our business partnership and connection.

Back in the early 2000s, our late Founder, Martyn Ginder started our association with the football club and began what would become one of the longest running relationships with a local business. Our first connection started with a season long sponsorship of the Official Matchball. Martyn’s view was that football from local parks, all the way up to the heights of the Premiership needed a minimum of one thing, a football, and he felt that this was a good place to start. As part of our sponsorship package, we would receive a team signed football each game. As a business we would then look to donate these signed footballs to local charities or fundraisers for them to auction or raffle off, raising thousands of pounds for a plethora of worthy causes for the nearly 400 footballs we amassed throughout the years as the Official Matchball Sponsor.

Throughout the years we have been connected with the club, we have been privileged to be part of their business network groups too. Although these have changed and grown over the years, the common denominator of Watford FC has been a great way for lots of local businesses to connect, and we have developed great working relationships with firms we’ve met at the football club.

In 2011, following the sudden and untimely death of Martyn, Watford Football Club posthumously awarded him with the “Supporter of the Year Award” at the end of the season, in honour of the connection and relationship he had with them. It isn’t commonly known that Martyn’s connection with Watford goes back further than as a local business but back into his childhood, when his father used to feed the players at that time at the Football Café on Vicarage Road, and Martyn would help his dad on busy matchdays too.

In the mid-2010s, with Watford’s success taking them to the Premier League, the opportunity to remain as Matchball Sponsors was not an option, so M. K. Ginder & Sons began a new relationship with the Watford FC Community, Sport and Education Trust. The Trust, being the charitable arm of the club, support numerous local groups and communities, and our relationship with them means that we can indirectly support the communities we serve through them. Although no longer official sponsors of the club, we have continued to maintain our business partnership with Watford, and we maintain some fantastic business relationships within the town.

In early 2017, Watford Football Club had one of its darkest moments, when their Greatest Ever Manager, and the former England Manager, Graham Taylor OBE passed away. For M. K. Ginder & Sons, it was our esteem honour to be asked to conduct his funeral. Our team worked very closely with the Taylor Family and the Football Club to ensure that Graham got the final send off he had earned and deserved.

For almost 40 years that we have served Watford and the surrounding areas, we have been very privileged to have looked after the funeral instructions of many Watford fans. We have always looked to help the family show their loved ones support for Watford, and some of the many ways have included: Watford designed coffins and flowers; supporter flags, scarves and shirts draped over the coffin; taking their final journey past the Vicarage Road stadium; collecting charitable donations for the Trust; Watford themed service sheets; asking the Club Chaplain to lead the funeral; returning the family to a funeral reception taking place at the stadium; or simply wearing Watford colour ties as we carry their coffin. Football is a major part of so many people’s lives and we want to be able to help families show this at their loved one’s funeral.

Over the last 20 years that M. K. Ginder & Sons has been officially connected with Watford Football Club, we have seen that the performance and success of the team has had a real positive effect on the town. Whether it’s the promotions and years in the top league, or the cup run that lead the team to the FA Cup Final, the success of the team has a positive vibe throughout the town and we are always delighted when the club is doing well.

For M. K. Ginder & Sons and the wider Ginder Family we have many happy memories of our close connection with the club and supporters and are honoured to be linked with them in so many different ways. Whether it’s as a business partner or a supporter, being a Watford fan has its many ups and downs, high days, and low ones, but we’ve enjoyed being part of many happy times and we look forward to the next 20 years, with many more tales from the Vic.

The term repatriation is most commonly heard at times of conflict and war when the news broadcasters describe the return of fallen soldiers to their native land. The picture of a Union Flag draped coffin coming off the back of a military aircraft is the image that most comes to mind.

In the funeral profession, international repatriation is the terminology for bringing someone who has passed away abroad back home or returning someone to their home country if they passed away here. National repatriation is a phrase used for bringing someone back to their hometown if they passed away in another part of the country.

Looking at transporting someone within the United Kingdom often has a myth surrounding it, that there is a charge to be paid, or a toll, for every county that the deceased passes through. This is no longer the case. It used to exist when the county would provide horse drawn carriages to transfer the coffin across the county, and the fee was paid to cover the cost. In present day repatriation, the only charge for transferring someone within England is the cost of the transfer itself, usually based on time and mileage. If someone is to leave England, to be returned to Scotland or Wales for example, certification, known as an Out of England Certificate is required. The other administrations of the home nations have similar legislation.

If someone passes away abroad, it can depend if they were on holiday or living in the foreign country. Most holidaymakers will have repatriation cover in their travel insurance. This insurance will usually cover the transfer of the deceased back to their hometown, and there are several international repatriation companies that will undertake the arrangements for this. Should the person pass away on board a cruise ship, there are mortuaries on board to care for the deceased until they return to port, and should you pass away mid-air there are procedures for what will occur once the aircraft lands. Further myths of deceased being airlifted off cruise ships, or flights diverted to the nearest airport are not necessarily the truth behind the care and attention provided.

If someone living here wants to be returned to the country of their birth after death, there are a couple of ways this can occur. Some families choose for the cremation to take place here in England, and then transport the cremated remains abroad. Some wish to have the deceased flown home, and some choose to have the coffin go back by road. Over the years we have helped many families organise the repatriation of their loved one, completing the statutory paperwork, meeting government and embassy regulations, and ensuring the deceased is cared for and prepared for their final journey. We have arranged for them to be driven to the airport, or taken to the port and driven home, especially those returning to Ireland. It is normally possible for the family to travel on the same flight as their loved one or follow the hearse to the port and travel on the same ferry.

For those families that have organised pre-paid funeral plans, some providers include the cost of the repatriation if the person is on holiday within the plan provision. Alternatively, some plan providers offer to move a funeral plan to another funeral director within the United Kingdom if the family choose to hold the funeral where the person died.

As a local independent funeral director, we are happy to accommodate whatever the wishes of the family are and provide guidance and direction when uncertainty arises. When travelling abroad it is important to ensure that your insurance has repatriation cover. Un-insured international repatriation can sometimes be a lengthy and expensive process, however we will help families throughout, as we know the importance of bringing them home.

As we write this blog post we are preparing to attend the Annual General Meeting and Conference of the National Association of Funeral Directors. We have been members of the association since the mid-1980s and are proud to have been so. If asked, what do we get out of trade association membership, it’s quite simple.  It’s about being part of a wider industry conscious organisation that is there to support the funeral directors, its members, in performing their duty of care and service for the families who instruct us to look after the arrangements of their loved one’s funeral.

The National Association of Funeral Directors (NAFD) is over 100 years old and takes its origins from the British Undertakers Association and Worshipful Company of Upholders in its infancy. M. K. Ginder & Sons are also proud to be founder members of the Society of Allied and Independent Funeral Directors (SAIF) and were amongst the first to join when it was established in 1989. Why are we members of two separate trade associations?  We look at the view that, the NAFD supports the profession in general, and SAIF concentrates on the independents in particular.

Membership of these two associations is not without cost or requirement. A high level of standards set by both organisations means that as a small independent business, we are reaching the highest levels of quality in the care and service we provide. We undergo scrutiny from inspectors that ensure we are doing the right thing for our customers, our staff and ourselves. The trade associations also offer training courses so we can ensure our staff learn and obtain qualifications and continually develop themselves to better serve our customers.

So, what does this mean to our customers?  Membership of a trade association provides us with the reassurance we are doing the right thing. Our publication of our membership to our customers, shows that we have obtained those standards and they can trust us to always serve them with dignity and respect. They also provide an option to be a scrutineer and arbitrator if a customer feels they have not had the service they expected from their chosen funeral director. We are proud to show our membership logos, they are the kitemark of what is right in our profession.

So why go to the annual general meeting and conference, what can they tell you there?  These meetings provide the association the opportunity to discuss with their members, the thousands of local funeral directors, what is going on in the profession. Like everything, things change, procedures develop, new laws are introduced and technology improves. At present the funeral profession is currently being regulated by the Competition and Markets Authority (CMA) who are introducing legislation into our profession to ensure that across the country, all funeral directors are meeting the high standards and requirements expected of them by their local communities. In a country where not every funeral director is a member of a trade association, there are some that do not meet the standards expected of them, and the regulators aim is to level that out. Attending the meetings means that we hear directly from the regulators and understand where they are looking for improvements and where we are already adhering to the expected levels of service. As trade association members that have followed the rules for nearly 40 years, we have no concerns, but we do have lots more to learn as well.

How can a trade association tell local funeral directors how to run their business, how does it know what to do?  With both associations, they work with the involvement of members volunteering their time to contribute learning and observations to help develop the services we all strive to achieve. For M. K. Ginder & Sons, we have contributed and continue our support to these. Daniel Ginder, our Company Director has served on the National Executive Committee of SAIF, whilst Adam Ginder, our Managing Director, currently serves on the London Association of Funeral Directors (LAFD) Executive Committee, standing as President from 2019 – 2021.

Being able to contribute and ensure we are part of our own future is important to making sure every customer is at the forefront of what the profession does.

M.K. Ginder & Sons are also international members of other funeral director trade associations. As members of both the National Funeral Director Association (NFDA) and Selected Independent Funeral Homes (SIFH) in America, we benefit from the knowledge and awareness that the profession across the Atlantic is undertaking. The recent developments of video conferencing have also allowed us to learn from their education sessions too. Although requirements and regulations are different, their attention towards customer service is something that can easily be transferred.

Being a member of the trade associations getting involved in their development of the profession and education of those within it has been important to our business and how it has grown over the years. Like anything in life, you get out of it as much as you put in. So, whether it is reading trade press information, attending meetings or undertaking education, there is a fundamental importance to being a member of our trade associations, and we are immensely proud to be so.

When we lose someone close to us in our lives, we all go through the bereavement process, however for nearly everybody, we do it differently. When we look after families, we are often told by people how they are feeling, and some will ask us why they feel the way they do. As funeral directors we are not bereavement councillors, although we help thousands of people each year get from the point they are at now, to a point they can move forward from.

Throughout the last four decades of caring for families in our local communities, we have helped people through the different stage of bereavement indirectly. Whether as the person guides them through the initial shock, or accepts the anger unavoidably directed at us, or pointing them in the right direction for professional help if that can help them.

Bereavement support services come in all different forms and places. Locally you may have an organisation that provides a community driven support service. Hospitals, Hospices, and certain charities all provide a service, and we as your local independent funeral director have a service we offer as well. Each may go through the support differently, and therefore it is suggested that you follow through with a particular one, as areas of the support may be covered at different stages. The important factor however is it must be right for you.

The service that we provide is through a separate organisation that we have partnered with to be able to offer the service to our client families. It ranges from the ability to talk digitally through an online chat facility, by email correspondence, or by telephone conversation. We also provide funding for individuals that are deemed to need face-to-face support to have six complimentary one-to-one sessions. This is all provided free of charge to the families we serve and have arranged funerals with us. Of course, if someone came to us looking for guidance as they hadn’t received it from their chosen funeral director, we would always assist with providing information to them.

It is commonly accepted there are seven stages of grief individuals go through as they transit the bereavement process.  These are:

Shock – Shock is an automatic coping mechanism within the body to comprehend grief and the initial disbelief regarding the loss of a loved one or friend.

Denial – The mind goes into a state of denial to avoid the pain and reality of loss. Denial can manifest in many ways and can last for many weeks in some cases.

Anger – People going through this phase tend to lash out at the ones around them as an unwanted reaction to the feelings of helplessness.

Bargaining – Trying to reason with yourself that by doing something differently, it could bring a loved one back. We can think irrationally through this stage, and use the word “if” repeatedly, in a way of turn things we could have done.

Depression – People find this when they approach the realisation of the situation. Those who have never experienced depression before can have a hard time of this stage. Depression can be all-encompassing and consume your life, as you find the time to grieve.

Testing – During this stage, we may continue to experience feelings of depression and hopelessness, but there will be signs of hope during the testing stage, where you attempt to find ways to deal with the situation.

Acceptance – Acceptance does not equate to happiness and can feel a long way from where you are, but you will get to the end. Pain may still exist, but it will no longer feel insufferable, and you will make plans and enjoy life again.

As funeral directors we know how important different stages of the arrangements can play a substantial part in the bereavement process. Whether that is when you visit your loved one in the chapel of rest or the funeral service itself. Some families find the pastoral care of a church service or the shared memories at the reception afterwards a significant part too.

We are consciously aware there is a growing interest and tendency for families to choose an unattended funeral or direct cremation, instead of having a traditional funeral service, and we are helping families arrange these. However, knowing that a service, whether it is a funeral service or a memorial service, takes place at some point can be very important to help all that knew and loved the deceased to get through the grief process.

As individuals we all go through the bereavement process in our own ways, and at varying speeds. Some will be able to manage on their own and some will need the support and assistance from others. The help is out there for those that need it, as we remember that everybody grieves differently.

You may have heard a lot recently in the press and through television adverts about direct cremations. Some of the information being shared describes them as a simpler alternative to a traditional funeral, with less pomp, circumstance, and fuss. This is all true, however within the profession there is other information that is not necessarily being shared as widely, and we would always want our families to know the details ahead of making any decisions.

An alternative, and preferred by some funeral directors, description of a direct cremation, is an “Unattended Funeral” or “Unattended Cremation”. The term unattended funeral is the preferred terminology of our industry’s regulators, the Competition and Markets Authority (CMA).

An unattended funeral has less pomp, circumstance, and fuss, as the publicity promotes, but it also has no attendance at the funeral either. There is no family, no minister, no service, and no music. This is sometimes the choice of the family, and we are of course happy to assist those who want to proceed with this type of funeral once we have shared all details with them.

Some of the television advertisements promote the benefits of an unattended funeral to the viewer as removing the stress and worry of organising a funeral, or saving them the financial burden of paying for it. These in principle can be seen as positives by some, however they are a negative as well, as a traditional funeral can also form part of the grieving process.  Not having a ceremony in any form can affect how we cope through bereavement.

That being said, an unattended funeral or unattended cremation can be helpful for some families where circumstances mean they are unable to hold a traditional funeral immediately after someone has died. We have served families where their closest relatives live abroad and cannot return quickly, so they ask us to undertake an unattended cremation and then assist them with holding a memorial service later. Similarly, some families prefer not to attend the crematorium and hold a service at church, with or without a coffin present. The important factor here is that a funeral service, memorial service, or a celebration of life service is still taking place for family and friends to attend and help with their grief.

As a local independent family-run funeral directors we are asked if we can provide a direct cremation or unattended funeral for a family, and of course the answer is yes. Through organising it with us, we can provide help and guidance to the family for bereavement support, as well as advise and assist with organising the service at a later date. The family will be reassured that their loved one is being cared for by the local funeral director, who is caring for them in their premises nearby then taking them to the local crematorium with the utmost dignity and respect as we would a traditional funeral.

We are aware that some of the larger companies advertising and promoting unattended cremations on the TV and across the internet, do not have local premises to care for your loved one prior to the service.  They choose not to use local crematoriums to undertake the cremation, and opt for a more centralised national service. We have been told that some peoples loved one’s have been taken to different counties, and in some instances different regions and countries within the United Kingdom. We would encourage anyone using them to ask questions and gain that reassurance beforehand.

We know that providing the right service for a family at an incredibly difficult time is very important and ensuring that they have all the information they need to make that decision is vital. We are planning on providing more information about the options families have on our website over the coming months but recommend in all instances that families feel confident to ask questions of their chosen funeral director. It is important you get the answers you need when making the right choice for your loved one.

Throughout our near 40-year history, I doubt a month has gone by when someone hasn’t said to us, something along the lines of “I’m not ready for you yet” or something similar. It is usually meant in a jovial or comical way, an ice-breaker approach to getting past the taboo of talking about death or funerals, and a natural response to the thoughts of our own immortality. However, it is right in thinking that nobody wants a funeral.

The renowned marketeer Seth Godin uses a great analogy of this in his presentations, “nobody goes out to buy a quarter-inch drill bit, because they want a quarter-inch drill bit. They buy it because what they really want is a quarter-inch hole”, it’s the thing you need to get the result you want. If you apply that logic to our profession, it is quite clear that none of our customers want a funeral itself. What they are looking for is for someone to help them get from where they are now, i.e., recently bereaved, to a point in the future where they can move forward with their grief and bereavement. A Funeral Director helps you get from A to B, so that you can then get to C and beyond on your own, or with additional support along the way.

To understand more specifically how we get them from how they feel now to a point where they can move on, on their own, we help and guide them through a series of small steps and processes at a speed and timescale they are comfortable with. There is no right answer to how quickly or slowly arranging and conducting a funeral should take, and each family is different. As established funeral directors working within our community for many years, we have however built up a strong understanding and knowledge of the best ways of helping people. The initial care, response and support you get from your chosen funeral director can significantly help how you cope and progress through bereavement.

As funeral directors we also understand that some people want quite a conservative and small funeral for themselves, and often tell their family, “Don’t bother with all that for me, just bury me in a cardboard box, at the bottom of the garden.” We understand each person’s funeral should be individual to themselves, and incorporate both the wishes of themselves, but also their family. A funeral service, whether big or small, short or long, is part of the grieving and bereavement process. As we’ve already said, nobody wants a funeral, but for most, they need that service, to help their grief.

Understanding the wishes of the deceased, sometimes recorded in their funeral plan, but also the wishes of the family arranging the service is part of the service we provide to our families. We know that some families wish for the committal or cremation of the deceased to take place first, and then to have a memorial service afterwards, and we are more than happy to accommodate that.

Recently there has been increased publicity for Direct Cremations or Unattended Cremations, with national television adverts showing the benefits of choosing one of these funerals. As your local independent funeral director, we provide this option to families, and we treat the deceased with the same care and attention, and their family with the same support and guidance, as we do for all funerals we undertake. That is our commitment to the communities we serve, and our mantra of always providing the utmost dignity and respect.

Knowing the importance of the care and support provided to the family through the bereavement process, getting them from A to B, we would encourage everyone to speak with their local funeral director about all options available. Although a third-party direct cremation specialist may provide the option you want, they may lack that care, support, and guidance when your family need it most.

We know that nobody wants a funeral but rest assured we are here to hold your hand and support you through it, when you need one.

We start the new year still not clear from the risks of the pandemic and some of the restrictions that it is placing upon us. Over the last two years we have found that we have increased the amount of technology we use, to provide the service we do for our families, and how much more comfortable people are to use it.

At the start of the pandemic, we found that our website was a key tool in helping families to arrange funerals when they could not visit our offices. Through our website we could share coffin brochures and flower catalogues, provide forms for families to complete, and provide the most up-to-date information about what was and wasn’t allowed on funerals. These facilities helped our families find the details they needed.

Arranging funerals also became a different process than we had seen before. Traditionally, families would visit one of our offices, sit down with our consultant and go through the details and sign the paperwork. These traditional processes were not possible. Although all involved were sceptical at first, arranging funerals by video link and sending papers by email to sign became part of the norm for those first few months. Families were becoming more comfortable with using technology and so were we.

Attending funerals also changed, with limited numbers only initially allowed, live streaming of the service became the normal way, and this has allowed family from all over the world to virtually attend the funeral service, something that had been rare before. Similarly, collecting charitable donations and tributes reverted more to technology with families having the option of an online donation page, where mourners can leave a tribute message with their donation. At Christmas time we also had the options through our social media channels to light virtual candles in memory of loved ones too.

It seems now, with everything in life, that if you want to organise something, find something out, get more details or purchase something, we turn to the internet, to social media and websites filled with the information we are looking for. It’s becoming a habit to Google something, scan a QR code or follow a link, to a whole host of different mediums that inform, share, or broadcast the information we want.  We can do it from wherever we are, through the smart phone or tablet in the palm of our hands.

As technology becomes more mainstream, even for events such as arranging and attending funerals, we want to make sure that we are providing the details and options to our families and their wider families and friends, digitally, accessibly, and informatively when they need it. Over the course of 2022 we are hoping to provide more details and services to our community through our website and social media channels. We want to provide online brochures with options and choices for families to look through at home. We want to provide more information and guidance to those attending the funerals, such as directions, parking, and facilities available about some of our most frequent attended crematoria and easy links to streaming platforms to watch services taking place. We are hoping to provide more details for those potentially attending a funeral for a first time, such as what to expect, what to wear, and where to go. We want to make sure that we have guidance and links to the support services, such as bereavement support, as well as financial and legal guidance too.

We also want to develop the options for families to begin making funeral arrangements, or just recording their own personal wishes online. One area where we are hoping to begin with very soon, is providing a platform through our website for our community to select their pre-paid funeral plan and purchase this with us online.  Giving them the opportunity to review choices, compare options and make their selections from the comfort of their own home, at a time that suits them.

Although we know most of this technology has been around for some time, the pandemic has made us more comfortable to use it.  We feel it is important when people need our services, or information about what we can provide and do, it is easy to find, communicated clearly, and in the right place.

As the year draws closely to its end, we can sometimes overlook the year that has passed, by the distraction of Christmas and all that it entails. It is not a bad thing to look forward to Christmas time, to prepare for time spent with family, purchasing, and wrapping presents and celebrating with friends and colleagues.  I hope that we all get the opportunity at some point to pause for a moment to remember those we have lost in the last twelve months.

As a company, we look back at the year that has passed and think of all those families we have cared for in the past twelve months, and how their Christmas this year will be different. We know that some families find this time incredibly difficult, and we hope that the bereavement support that is available can help those in need. Similarly, some families will leave an empty chair at their table or pause and raise a glass to family no longer with us, or toast absent friends when they come together.

In our own family we have traditions at Christmas that we recognise and remember family that are no longer with us. Whether by hanging a wreath at the crematorium or visiting the cemetery together to place festive flowers, we use this time to come together and reflect. These are unintentionally happy times as we remember fondly the stories and anecdotes of Christmases past when we spent it with those loved ones not with us now.

In the local community, memorial events and candle lighting celebrations are organised by Churches, Hospices, and local councils. These events usually filled with festive cheer and merriment, do so to celebrate the lives of those who we have lost and remember fondly the happy times families spent together. Coming together with other families can also be a help to people as they can share their stories, but also their challenges and difficulties of a first or another Christmas without someone.

We are always honoured when we are asked to support these events. Whether providing a wreath to recognise those who have passed in the past year (such as the one at St. Luke’s Church in Bricket Wood hung next to their tree) or attending events such as the Lights of Love service held by the Peace Hospice in Watford, or supporting virtual events held digitally that enable messages to reach more people at this time of year.

We also provide the option for families to record their memories through lighting a candle on our Facebook page, where everyone remembers their loved ones, by entering their name and then liking and sharing the image once it appears. This is available for everyone and there are no limits on the number of candles that you can light.

Some families choose to attend a crematorium, cemetery, church, hospice, community event or just pausing briefly beforehand or on Christmas Day itself. Whichever way families choose to recognise the loss of a loved one this year, or those that have passed away in years gone by, there is no right or wrong way to remember, just that we remember the love and happiness we shared with them.