An important part of a funeral service is the chance to hear about who the person was, this is known as the eulogy. This is traditionally delivered by a family member or close friend. It can be split between two or three people who may wish to talk about different parts of the person’s life: family, work and hobbies for example.
If you are asked to write and deliver the eulogy, it is important to confirm with the person leading the service, how long you have, as this will determine how much content you can put in it. To assist with knowing what to include we have composed the following suggestions as a guide.
When writing a eulogy, it is important to consider the following:
- Your relationship to the deceased. What was your role in their life? How did they impact you? How will you miss them?
- The deceased’s life and personality. What were their major milestones? What were their passions and interests? What kind of person were they?
- The audience. Who will be listening to your eulogy? Consider their relationship to the deceased and what they would like to hear.
- The tone. Do you want your eulogy to be sombre, humorous, or a mix of both? Choose a tone that is appropriate for the occasion and that reflects the deceased’s personality.
Some specific things you may want to include in your eulogy are:
- A brief overview of the deceased’s life, including key milestones such as birth, marriage, children, and career accomplishments.
- Specific memories or anecdotes that illustrate the deceased’s character and personality.
- Details about the deceased’s relationships with close family and friends.
- Any significant accomplishments related to the deceased’s career, interests, or hobbies.
- Poems, stories, or songs written by the deceased or that were meaningful to them.
- Favourite words or quotes by authors or poets that the deceased admired.
It is also important to avoid certain topics in your eulogy, such as:
- The reason for the deceased’s death, especially if it was tragic or untimely.
- Trivializing the deceased’s death or making light of their grief.
- Family grudges or disagreements.
- Unhealthy habits or criminal history.
- Triggering memories or causing further pain to the deceased’s loved ones.
Finally, remember that there is no right or wrong way to write a eulogy. The most important thing is to be sincere and to speak from the heart. If you are unsure of what to say, or if you are struggling to write, ask friends and family for help. They may be able to share stories and memories that you can include within.
A tip for delivering your eulogy: practice, practice, practice! The more you practice, the more comfortable and confident you will be on the day of the funeral.
However, we do understand that for some, delivering the eulogy can be too difficult, grief and bereavement can affect us all differently. You may also want to consider asking a friend or family member to read your eulogy for you. Alternatively, you may wish for it to be printed in the Order of Service booklets, for everyone to read in their own time.
It is also worth sharing a copy with the whole family. A well written eulogy can be a great addition to an online memorial page, or to share with a former college, university, or members’ club who could in turn share it with others who may also have known the person.